Am I Alone in My Pain?

It may feel like you’re alone, and probably does. The shame of having a history like ours – yes, I said ours – leads to secrecy and that results in feeling alone. All types of childhood abuse distort our feelings.

But you are not alone.

Verbal and emotional abuse is the most common type. It’s often accepted in many cultures (including ours) as simple venting or letting off steam. Some people even say it’s healthy.

But is it? No, it isn’t. It may bring a bit of temporary relief to the “venter”, but it certainly doesn’t solve anything. And for the recipient of this verbal venom, it’s painful. It’s destructive. And it messes with your self-perception, not to mention your self-esteem.

Physical abuse is less common, but it’s also virtually accepted in many cultures. How many having a violent argumenttimes have you heard an abusive man say, “Look what you made me do”? How ridiculous! His wife, or girlfriend, or child did not make him cause physical pain and damage. That’s like forcing a child to thank his father for breaking his arm. After all, the child made the father do it by forgetting to take out the trash. NOT!

Sexual abuse makes me shudder. What an incredible violation! The fact that it usually comes from a trusted adult makes the violation worse. Forms of it can also seem acceptable. How often did an older male leer at your developing body? Tell dirty jokes to you? Make comments about your breasts or other female parts? It’s all sexual abuse. It’s all unacceptable. And it all causes shame, and you know where that leads.

Ritual abuse is the ultimate desecration. A young child is systematically hurt in every possible way. This includes physical, emotional, sexual, and spiritual torment. The child is, in essence, programmed through trauma-based mind control techniques. She is forced to repress or dissociate from the memories in order to remain sane. She experiences unexplained gaps in her memory and distorted emotions. She will likely repress emotion of all kinds.

The loneliness is unbearable: not only can she not share her pain, she doesn’t even know where that pain is coming from. How can she talk about something she can’t even perceive except as tiny bits and pieces of undecipherable images or thoughts?

Have you or someone you love gone through any of these? Is it still happening? Do you remember it clearly, in pieces, or only from revealed memories of the events?

depressed and questioningSurvivors like you and me have a ton of questions dancing around in their minds. You might wonder – at least now and then – about who did this to you? Why did they do it?

Personal questions abound. Why do I feel so alone? Am I the only one? Does anybody understand how I really feel?

And now for the most significant question of all: is there any relief? Is there any way to be healed of all the damage that’s been done?

I have incredible news for you! The answer is YES, there is relief. You can be healed of the damage.

How do I know? I’ve been there. I’ve stood right where you stand. And I’m here to tell you, there is a light at the end of the tunnel

. . . and it’s not a train!