Grief and Lies

What’s a common thought when grief is present?

one comforting anotherDepending on the type of loss, you could think that you deserved what happened. You might think you’ll never be happy again, or that you’ll never be successful. A common and very destructive lie is that you are the only one who’s gone through this, or you are the only one who can’t seem to get past the loss.

All these are lies. All are not only counterproductive, but destructive. All are associated with grief and loss. And all are from the enemy.

When we experience a loss of any kind, a common response is to think that you “asked for it.” My question is this: How could an innocent child ask to be sexually assaulted? Or beaten or neglected? How could a wife deserve the sudden death of her husband?

If you believe the lies, you become paralyzed in a cycle of grief, self-blame, shame, and self-hatred. You don’t trust God or yourself. You probably don’t trust anyone who reminds you even slightly of the abuser.tired on couch

If you believe you’ll never be happy again, it makes you less likely to open yourself to love or to go back to school or to simply reach out to others. Worse, if you believe you don’t deserve happiness, that you’ve lost all you are entitled to, you’ll sink deeper and deeper into the pit of despair.

Look inside. Are there areas of grief you can’t rise above? What kind of loss was it? What do you believe as a result?

The enemy wants to see us destroyed. And he does it through lies. That’s his original and only weapon. He lied to Adam and Eve and he lies to us because when he can harm us, he hurts our Father who loves us.

What can you do to get past the lies? A simple procedure is below. You should generally do this with a counselor, but some of the lies can be handled between you and God.

However, if you begin to feel frightened or as if you are being scattered, stop and ask for help.

  • After Jesus helps you find the lie, ask Him to show you where it came from. He might remind you of an incident in your past.
  • Ask Him to clarify the lie—what exactly are you believing that isn’t true?
  • Then ask Him for the truth. That may be in the form of scripture, or you might feel like He is saying something that counters the lie. A common truth is that “you didn’t deserve that.” Sometimes, you simply know the lie is gone and you know Jesus loves you.
  • Check your emotions. Peace should live where the lie tormented you before. **

footprints in sandThe loss is still there (Jesus won’t change history) but the pain resolves.

And you can move on.


** The ministry technique described here is basic Theophostic Prayer Ministry. It was among the methods that helped me heal. You may want to visit the authorized website for more information.


This is part 6 of a series on grief

Part 1|Are You Living With Grief?

Part 2|Time Heals Grief?

Part 3| I Deserve My Grief!

Part 4| How Can You Miss What You Never Had?

Part 5| Grief and Anger

 all illustrations courtesy of