Do You Feel Like You Hate Your Own Soul?

C. F. Sherrow

October 16, 2014

A definition of shame:

S– Soul

H– Hatred

A– At

M– My

E– Expense

Do you hate your soul?

We know the soul comprises the mind, will, and emotions.

People who live with destructive shame tend to hate their own feelings and mistrust emotions.
They try to live in their mind, where reasoning can protect them from feeling. But they know they can’t think their way out of the shame because they’ve tried and failed.
They don’t like their own will, because they feel they don’t deserve to have needs and wants.

Maybe you wouldn’t go so far as to call this hatred, but it sure isn’t love.

There is a type of shame that’s positive. You feel it when you do something wrong and your conscience acts up. I prefer to call this guilt, just for clarity.

However, destructive shame is as a result of you and me agreeing with a lie. We take that lie inside us, nurture it, and it becomes shame. And we become emotionally damaged.

How many times did you hear, “This is all your fault!”? As a child, you had no way of knowing the truth. It wasn’t all your fault. You more likely made a mistake that turned out badly, and part of the blame could belong to you. Not all of it.

Or did you receive the lie that you are worthless? Lots of kids do. Parents and others can say the cruelest things in anger, and the child accepts it—oh, maybe not the first or even the fifth time, but eventually he gives up the fight.

We grow up with so many word curses hurled at us. Hurtful things like how stupid or fat or clumsy we are. Maybe we’re told that we’ll never amount to anything, that we are a great disappointment to our parents or grandparents.

When our minds mature and we are able to reason logically, we understand that those things aren’t true. But how do we tell our hearts that truth? Somewhere, deep inside, parts of us remains convinced of the lies. And those parts pump out shame like the heart pumps blood.

The shame infiltrates our whole being.

Believe it or not, many of the word curses can be broken off. You can come out of agreement with them, just like you sever soul ties, or break a contract. But the shame can remain. The lie hasn’t been countered with God’s truth.