I’m Not Angry, I’m . . .

September 7, 2015

Annoyed. Indignant. Irritated. Displeased. Provoked. Disappointed. Sad. Upset. Annoyed. Frustrated. Perturbed. Tired. Numb.

Do any of these words sound familiar?

Every one of them is a word that indicates anger but is often used to avoid the actual term. You might say they can be “Christian” substitutes for being angry at God.

Look at the words carefully. Have you ever used one or more to say you were angry at God without actually saying it . . . without risking His wrath and judgment, or the judgment of church folks? Sometimes I don’t know which is worse.

And what about the final two terms? They might seem a bit off, but when used in context, they certainly can hide “anger”.

. . . Have you ever declared that something makes you tired? That phrase often says, “I’m angry, but fighting it just about exhausts me.”

. . . How about “I just feel numb about this”? You could feel numb because your true feelings of anger are being thoroughly stuffed.

Stuffing or denying our feelings can certainly be exhausting. It can also cause emotional turmoil and physical symptoms from anxiety. It can even lead to episodes of dissociation in those who are prone to it. What “good Christian” wants to say she is angry at a perfect, sovereign God, especially One who has the power to destroy her? It’s better to hide the true feelings, right?

Not so much.

Psalm 51:6 says, “Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, and in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom.” (NAS)

Father God knows our inward parts. Do we?

He desires truth. Are we willing to acknowledge our inner truth?

He understands our anger. He accepts it and will heal it. He will teach us His ways and His wisdom.

Will we let Him? Or will we try to hide from Him and ourselves that which He already knows?

We are so incredibly good at self-delusion:

If I say I am sad, it means I’m not actually angry.
If I tell people I’m just frustrated at God, they’ll understand and not think I’m a bad Christian.
If I tell God this particular situation (that He should be fixing!) annoys me, maybe He’ll do something about it without getting mad at me.

All of it is anger. And I think every person on earth has experienced feeling angry at God—sometime, someplace, about something, to some degree.