There is an old saying about being the loneliest when you are in a crowd.
I’ve found it’s often true.
However, it’s not being surrounded by strangers that leads to loneliness. If that were the case, folks who love “people watching” would be seriously lonely.
No, what often leads to loneliness—in a crowd or with another person—is feeling unknown.
When you are dating or getting to know a new friend, are you ever lonely? Sometimes, but not all that often. That’s because, though you are pretty much unknown, you are progressing down a path toward knowing and being known.
It’s when your being unknown has no apparent ending that loneliness raises its ugly head. That can happen in any new situation.
If you fear being known (for example, through believing yourself unworthy), if you refuse to reach out and get to know someone (maybe through judging yourself or others), if you isolate yourself (usually from fear), you can just about guarantee loneliness as a result of being unknown.
Have you ever rebuffed the advances of a potential friend? I have. Maybe it seemed like too much effort. Maybe they didn’t seem to be “real” enough for me. A whole list of excuses comes to mind. And I hid myself, never letting them know the real me. Of course, I didn’t know the real me, either.
Such despair! Such loneliness!
Are you ever truly unknown?
No. God knows you.
And He knows you better than anyone else, including yourself.
I’m sure some of you are responding with this: “Yeah, God knows me. So what? How does that help me right now?”
Have you ever asked Him to show you who you are? To let you see yourself through His eyes?
Don’t be afraid. He loves you. He might show you a wounded little girl or an angry one or a sad one.
But He will not show you someone you would hate. That’s a self-judgment. And it’s not only a lie, it’s destructive to you.
If you judge yourself by any standards but God’s, it’s a form of pride. You’re saying, “God, I don’t believe what You say. You’re a liar.”
Let God tell you who you really are. And listen for the answer. He has a lot He wants to tell you. And it’s good and true and beneficial.
Let that real you shine out from your soul. Those who God has put in your path will see it. They will appreciate it—because it’s authentic.
And you won’t feel so unknown and so lonely anymore.
This is part 9 in a series on loneliness
Part1|One is the Loneliest Number
Part 2|Alone Does Not Equal Lonely
Part 3|Lonely in a Crowd
Part 4|Unloved and Lonely
Part 5|Lonely in our Selfishness
Part 6|Love Fights Loneliness
Part 7|Love is Laying Down Your Soul
Part 8| Misunderstanding “Laying Down Your Soul”
Part 9| Unknown and Lonely
all illustrations courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net