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All right, I admit it. I wasn’t really thrown into the den of lions a la Daniel in the Old Testament. Sure felt like it, though. The aloneness, the anxiety, the fatigue all conspired to ask me if I had done something to make God turn His back.

And I know, though it may have been through other circumstances, that you’ve felt the same way at some time.

The hard part is in knowing how God has been revealed to us as a loving, caring father and then having such strong winds of opposition blowing us every which way. Doubt, fear, discouragement . . . they all hit. And hit hard. And unremittingly.

When God told me to bring Mom into my home, I assumed it would be much easier than the reality. I even had a mental picture of how to rearrange the furniture in the basement of my bi-level house to make a kind of apartment for her. Each of us would have our own space, and share the common areas. (This is a work in progress. Proceeding slowly.)

But when she was released from rehab after her first stroke, she needed more care than I planned. I had to sleep when she did because I was always exhausted, emotionally and physically. This lasted about 2 months before it eased and she improved enough to reduce the pressure. Then I was constantly tired, but not exhausted.  Wouldn’t you say that was an improvement?

Then the second stroke hit, though she recovered well from that one. I missed having her there while she was in the hospital and rehab.

Several ladies at church have similar circumstances, with one great difference: no one else lives with me to help share the caretaker load. I did (and do) have help from family and therapists, but day-to-day caregiving duty can be a lonely business.

I haven’t yet decided what to call this blog series. I am figuring it all out as I go along. I am learning how to lean on God in a whole new way and day by day or hour by hour. And sometimes I wonder where He is. Or what He’s doing. Or if He really has plans for me like it says in Jeremiah 29:11. Sometimes . . .

I hope you join with me on the journey, and that we can learn from one another. And that we grow in God’s image more and more.